Monday, September 12, 2016

Anxiety

Hi all,

I would like to talk to you about whats going on in my head right now. I leave in less then two weeks...even typing that gives me anxiety. I'm full of so many emotions at the current moment. Fear, excitement, anxiousness and much more. I thought I would share with you all that is going through my head before I embark on this journey....

I first want to start out by saying I am excited about this mission trip. I'm SO excited, but with that being said its expected to have some nervous about being away from my comfort zone for such a long time. Earlier this year I started taking anxiety medication for social anxiety  (which some of you are probably confused about because I talk to people way too much), but its true. I used to be so afraid to talk to people because I was terrified if they would like me or not. If you asked me about two years ago if I loved going to parties and hanging out with tons of people I would say yes because thats the person I wanted to be not the person I was. I would pretend to be someone else because I convinced myself that if I wasn't that person that people wouldn't like me. My anxiety ate me alive. It controlled who I was. Thankfully I finally came to terms with myself and realized that I had been denying that I had anxiety for years and I finally did something about it. I started with a medication and life seemed to be a little more upbeat. I started to have fun, actual fun. I started to be Lauren because the anxiety didn't control me as much anymore. Day by day the mask of anxiety that I had been wearing around for years started to come off. I talked to God about my anxiety a lot. I was frustrated with Him because I had anxiety. I wondered why it was me. Why could't this anxiety be given to someone else? I had to put anxiety on my list of things that are wrong with me. As the mask of anxiety started to peel off of me so did the outlook I had on it. Instead of blaming God for this, I should thank him. I should thank Him because God gave me something many others have to deal with, but I can be a witness that you can beat anxiety. With God anxiety seems so small. I need to remember that too. God is SO much bigger than my anxiety and He's not going to let me go through this battle alone. Ever.

 I was going to use this blog to express to you about my anxiety I'm having over this mission trip, but when I read and then reread what I typed about that God will never let me go through this battle alone I felt some sort of peace about my mission trip.  All this anxiety I'm feeling about packing, saying goodbye to my family and having to make new friends doesn't seem as big as it did about 20 minutes ago when I was talking to my mom.  I think what I've realized while writing this blog is that I need to just trust God. He's in control. He knows the plans for my life. He's got my back. I don't need to worry.

If you're struggling with anxiety about life or social anxiety just remember God has a purpose for you. Don't dwell on things that are out of your control. Learn to be yourself and don't wear a mask. It's not worth it. Always ask God for help because trust me I know what anxiety can do to you. Hopefully you know your worth in God.


Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 

26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 
27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? 
28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 
29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 
30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 
31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 
32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 
33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 
34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." -Matthew 6:25-34




thanks for reading,
Lauren 

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