I hope you had a Happy New Year! I know I did! Going into downtown Hershey with my friends is always fun! And this picture really shows how my night went....
My night was spent with my favorite couple. Obviously you can tell I was enjoying myself. I was also surrounded by my awesome friends.
With the New Year it always calls for a reflection of the previous year. And thats what I want to talk to you all about today. Last year was a year of highs, lows and a lot of in between. I struggled a lot last year with many different things, one being myself. I've always been that girl who's sensitive about everything and always took things way out of proportion. I would cry if someone would look at my in a "hurtful" or "judging" way. I would cry because I assumed people talked about my all the time. I would cry because I didn't love myself. I wasn't confident. I cared WAY too much about what others would say. I didn't like how my body looked a lot bigger than every other girl in my school. Looking in the mirror everyday and telling myself I was beautiful was often a struggle. I didn't believe myself when I would say it. Little did I know.....
Now reading through this now I'm upset. I'm disheartened because last year I was missing something in my life that I so desperately needed and it was a relationship with God. Thinking back on in now the start of 2015 God was the last thing I wanted. I had a boyfriend, friends and fun. I didn't want anything in my life that was going to be "hard" because we all know that having a relationship with God can be hard. It can be frustrating at times and I thought I didn't need that in my life. Unfortunately, when the fun stopped, my friends drifted away and my relationship ended life seemed pointless to me. Instead of crying out to God for help I was mad at Himm for allowing my life to turn to turmoil. Little did I know....
August-November 2015, was a time where the depth of my loneliness was noticeable. I thought I had no one. Little did I know....
I thought life couldn't get better. Little did I know...
I thought I would never come out of this loneliness. Little did I know...
I thought I was would never love myself. Little did I know...
Little did I know that even though I felt far from God he still loved me. God was working in me through all the hard times I had throughout 2015. I chose to ignore how God was working through me. I prolonged my anger, hurt, loneliness and the way I felt about myself because I didn't cry out for help from the Lord. It took me till November to realize that I needed Gods help to work through my struggles. That's when God has spoken to me about the YWAM missions trip. That I needed to do this mission trip to learn and grow. But little did I know that praying, crying and talking to the Lord would help with the loneliness and my self-worth. Little did I know, that reading my bible taught me how to start loving myself. Little did I know, growing a relationship with God was already changed my life. That start of 2016 has been great. I've cleared the unhealthy thoughts and actions of last year out of my mind. I'm starting fresh and boy that feels good. My confidence in myself boosted! HOLLA to that! My loneliness is little to none. I know that with God and my family I should never feel lonely. Past experiences can hurt. They can actually crush you but, the advise I would give my 2015 self is stay strong in your faith, don't push people away, let family and friends know whats happening. I would've also told myself that in the end it would be okay. With God things were AWESOME.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
Thanks for reading!
Lauren Moore
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