Life on the other side

Hi all,

I just want to talk to you guys about our local outreach this week. This week our leaders had an original plan of where we were going to go for outreach, but the plans fell through. It was our job (as a team) to pray and see if God spoke to any of us on where we were supposed to go for local outreach. A lot of us got an image of the border. Some got pictures of sandwiches, or playing with kids or just evangelizing at the border. I happened to get a picture of bananas. Of course I didn't want to say that because I was thinking, what would bananas have to do with the border? I whispered to my friend Rachael what I got and she decided to say it out loud. I was embarrassed so I justified it by saying, "Its stupid and I have no idea what it means." We prayed again to ask God if the border is where we were supposed to go. Almost everyone got conformation and we started to plan what we were going to do at the border. Our leaders sent two guys to see if we could get sandwiches from the kitchen and others to get chalk, nails polish, etc.. I for one was still doubting that bananas had anything to do with our local outreach. The two guys who were sent to the kitchen to get sandwiches came back with bags of sandwiches and said that there is a crate full of bananas that would could take to the border...I WAS SHOCKED. Everyone looked at me and I just knew what everyone was thinking and it was something like Lauren have more faith. God is actually talking to you! That was a wakeup call. And I started to get really excited about going on our local outreach to the border.

This was my first time going to the border and it was eye opening....

To many Mexicans whats behind this border means the American dream. It means a new beginning and a life that they've been dreaming of for a long time. What broke my heart was that many would do whatever it took to get over this border and make their lives "better." What's behind this border may be more opportunity, more "freedom," and more life but the reality is America is lost too. Yes, Mexico does not have the same opportunities as the United States, but I can tell you one thing Mexico has shown me something America doesn't have much of and thats love. The way a Mexican family can make you apart of theirs in minutes is amazing. The potential here is incredible and my prayer for Mexicans is that they realize how much potential is here. I really pray that Mexicans see how blessed they are and how much they really do have in this country. This is Gods country and He loves Mexico so much. What I also love about Mexico is that when a few of us were walking by the border we asked some people if they'd like prayer and they said yes with no hesitation. They were so excited to get prayer! That's something you don't see often in America. I am thankful for where I come from and I do love my country, but my eyes have been opened to another country. And I love this country of Mexico so much, too. Mexico has made me realize how blessed I've been and the little things that I take for granted. One big thing is being on the American side of the border. I never really thought of the Mexicans on this side of the border, but now that I have my heart wants to show Mexicans that they can make a difference here. Man, my eyes have been opened so wide. I'm thankful God didn't make it possible for me to go to the YWAM in Australia because I don't think I would have had the some opportunities as I have in Mexico. God has shaken me and humbled me. I'm so thankful for that.

If you ever have the opportunity to come to Mexico, do it. It'll open your eyes. It will change you. Let God humble you, its worth it. 

Talk to you soon, 

Lauren  

Fear of the Lord

Hi all,

This week has been a BIG week! I found out that I'll be going to Indonesia for outreach!! How exciting!

I get to experience Indonesia with this amazing team and I can't wait to see how we all grow in unity together and in Christ. 

I also have made pretty amazing friends here. I'll introduce some of them...

First off is an amazing group of God loving, food loving and adventure taking women that I've grown to love to deeply...

I also get to laugh and enjoy life with these ladies....

Seriously....I've never loved life so much...

I also fell in love with a crab I found at the beach and I live by the motto it didn't happen unless you got a picture...so I thought I would share my enjoyment of finding a crab with all of you. Yes, its dead. I'm not that crazy! 

Now that you've seen what I've been up to and met a few of my friends I can start going into a serious mode. Okay, listos (ready)? This week during lecture we talked about the fear of the Lord. Before coming here I thought the fear of the Lord was that I actually had to be afraid of God and that I should be scared of Him. I was wrong. I shouldn't be afraid of God I should be running after Him wanting to know more and more about him. This weeks teaching was great, but I'm going to be honest...I still don't fully understand the fear of the Lord. Yes, I learned a deeper meaning of fearing the Lord, but it hasn't fully clicked with me yet. I've been praying that God reveals something to me that really speaks out to me about fearing the Lord. One thing I did learn about fearing the Lord is that when you do fear him you gain peace and comfort (Acts 9:31), wisdom (Proverbs 9:1), truth (Psalm 86:11) and protection (Psalm 115:11). Now all of that seems great to me. I want God to bring me peace, wisdom and protection. I'm just trying to figure out what fearing the Lord really means to me. Its a process. Another thing that happened in lecture this week was our speaker said she just felt from the Lord that there were a lot of people in our DTS who felt like they weren't good enough. She told us to stand up if we felt that way and we were all to pray and if staff felt like they needed to tell us something that they should. I stood up because I still struggle with my worth and thinking I'm not good enough. Even though I know God loves me and I'm His masterpiece I still struggle with it. But I stood up and my one-on-one came and prayed for me and she spoke words of encouragement and it was awesome. It was really an emotional yet amazing time. That is such a hard thing to do sometimes....To stand up and show people that you don't think you're worth it. I think if someone asked me in high school to stand up if I didn't think I was good enough I would've and I would have felt differently than I did when it happened this week. When I stood up this week and looked around at all the people there that loved me something changed inside of me. I was looking at my new family and I knew in my heart that to them and to God I was good enough. In high school I would not have felt that way. I'm so thankful that God has continually been speaking to me how much He loves me and how much he adores me. He's changing me and I'm loving this confident, God loving Lauren I'm learning to become. 

Thanks for reading,

Lauren 

Hurdles

Hi all,

Hurdles are difficult...yes I'm talking about Track and Field hurdles. I remember trying to do hurdles in high school on the track during gym class. I got myself all pumped up and my heart was beating out of my chest. My face was sweaty and I just started to run towards the hurdle. I was feeling good. I was thinking the whole time (while I was running) that I was Adrian Wilson who cleared a 66 inch hurdle durning football practice. Then reality struck me as I stood centimeters from the hurdle that I couldn't even clear a 39 inch hurdle. I wasn't strong enough. I didn't have confidence to keep going and just try to clear the hurdle. The hurdle just stopped me in my tracks. When this happened I remember just laughing with my friends and moved on. But yesterday that hurdle was something emotional, something stirring inside of me. That hurdle was a bunch of doubt...I'll give you some context. Yesterday we went to downtown Tijuana to go on a prayer walk and give people water bottles. I was SO pumped about it. I was thinking all week long how great I'll be at this and how excited I was. I was still excited yesterday, but my emotions totally flipped once we got out of the van in Tijuana. I was experiencing a culture shock and an overwhelming sense of sadness. I couldn't compare any city in America to Tijuana. It was totally a change for me. As we started walking I just couldn't stop looking around and soaking it all in. The poverty, homelessness and amount of people I saw was unbelievably sad. But I continued on. We split into teams and started on our way. Our group first gave water bottles to three men and we prayed for them. I didn't talk. We then went to give water to two elderly men, once again I didn't talk. I just felt like I couldn't. We continued on. Every time a member of my group started talking to someone I just felt more and more doubt. Doubt that I couldn't be a missionary. I just kept thinking if I can't talk to strangers about Christ, how could I ever be a missionary? Durning the whole prayer walk that was engraved into my head that I couldn't do it. I just kept thinking, what am I going to do now? I want to be a missionary, but I can't do it. I just started to think God didn't have a plan for me anymore. I was stopped by a hurdle. But this time I didn't just laugh it off and move on. I cried. I just felt 2 feet tall and the hurdle of doubt was 6 feet tall. There was no way I could get over that hurdle. Well, thats what I thought for a good portion of the day. But then I remember that the devil will try and stop anyone who tries to spread the word of God. Satan will fill your mind with lies like, "Lauren you cant do this. You aren't strong enough. No one wants to talk to you." Thats so wrong!! With God I'm strong, I'm wise and I'm confident. With God I can be a missionary! I can jumped over that hurdle of doubt and never look back. I can tackle it. The roles will be reversed, satan will feel like 2 feet tall and because my God is so big I'll feel like I'm 6 feet tall. Satan can't jump over me. He can't! Once I got home from Tijuana I looked over my notes that I took from yesterdays lecture and that day we had been talking about hurdles that keep us from hearing God's voice and guess what the first hurdle was....doubt. Ugh, I couldn't hear God encouraging me during the prayer walk to keep going and to tell more and more people about Him because I was full of so much doubt. I allowed the enemy to fill my mind. Don't do that! I'm saying this to myself and you! Satan is a liar and he wants to steals things from you. You can tackle a 66 inch hurdle with God. Choose God.

"Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

Also! I wanted to tell you all how amazing our speaker is this week! Jen is amazing! She is such a women of God and I stinking LOVE it. The topic this week is Recognizing God's Voice. This is something that confused me as a Christian, but I'm really starting to understand it. Yes, I still have many questions, but Jen made hearing from God so real to me. Ah, I'm so giddy about it! And I can't wait to keep learning about my Creator and sharing it all with you guys!

Talk to you all soon,
Lauren

I had a Revelation

Hi all,

I'm loving YWAM so much. I think I've met my people here....

Honestly, I've never felt more comfortable with friends before until I came to YWAM. All the ladies and gentlemen I've met in my DTS have shown me what real friendships can look like. They have also shown me what a friendship is like when you're all pursing God together. It changes a friendship. I've never been so vulnerable with people before until I met these awesome people. And I feel like I've known my new friends for years and its only been like 2 week. They're family now. 

I also get the pleasure of enjoying the beach and all the awesome things Mexico has to offer. Like Mexican blankets. I mean come on people Mexican blanket are so colorful and awesome.

We also get the pleasure to have AMAZING speakers every week. This week we are talking about the Father Heart of God. Our speaker is crazy good. I can really connect with his way of teaching. He loves to tell us about real life stuff. Like situations he's been through or his friends have been through and he bring it all back to the Father Heart of God. I just can connect with how passionate he is. Anyway, I've been having trouble in  lecture feeling like God wasn't speaking to me. Last week I just felt like God really wasn't speaking a revelation to me but holy moly He did speak a revelation to me today. One part of todays lecture our speaker talked about two things that satan takes away from us the first being our identity and the second being our relationship with God. I wrote that down in my notebook and continued to listen to the speaker. I didn't really process what I had written down until I sat down with my one-on-one. My one-on-one (Sky) asked me what had stood out to my during lecture today and I immediately thought about the two things that satan takes away from us, our identity and our relationship with God. I started talking to Sky and processed that for such a long time I was letting satan rule my life. I allowed satan to take my identity away and I allowed satan to distort how I viewed myself. I have struggled with self esteem since elementary school. Since than I allowed satan to tell me who I am and how beautiful I was. I allowed satan to tell me who I am and I allowed him to rule over my self esteem. As I was saying this to Sky I was also processing all the times I allowed satan to tell me who I was, I was processing how much of my life I've wasted on trying to convince myself that I wasn't beautiful or I wasn't worth it because satan took away my identity. I also allowed satan to take away my relationship with Christ. I always thought there was a God, but when I would really try to think about God I always felt doubt. I always allowed myself to believe what the devil was saying about God rather than trying to combat the devil. Sometimes the devil can be so convincing. I've experienced that for a big chunk of my life. Today, though, I felt God finally grip me and say,"Lauren, you see, you allowed the devil to take Me and your identity away from you. Change. Start new, you're a new creation." What a stinking revelation. After I realized that I'm not going to allow satan to dictate who I am anymore I felt such a relief. Like I can finally start to build my confidence IN CHRIST. I feel new. I also feel like its finally time for me to be baptized because I'm ready for God to take a hold of my life and change me for the better. I'm so thankful for YWAM and that I had the opportunity to finally have a revelation in Christ. THIS IS AWESOME!!

Also just soak in how cute the DTS team is...can't wait to amazing things with these people! 

Talk to you all soon, 

Lauren 

Finally here

Hi guys,

I'm finally here in Mexico and I can't even begin to explain to you how much I love YWAM so far! The campus is absolutely beautiful.

 Pretty cool right and the view from our room is breathtaking....

See...its breathtaking. Honestly every morning so far I've woken up and walked to our door that looks out over the ocean and I get so giddy! It has always been a dream of mine to live at the ocean and here I am! I'm so blessed.

Anyway, the travel here was so tiring. My mom, Kari Damon and I woke up at 4:30 in the morning to catch my flight out of Philly at 7:50. We got to the airport and I'm pretty sure my mom parked about 5 miles away from my terminal. I needed the exercise anyway. I was so excited that the day I've been waiting for finally came! It was so surreal. I also felt like such an adult because I was flying ALL BY MYSELF. Which was a big step for me. I had a layover in Houston and than I was on my way to San Diego to get picked up by someone from YWAM. San Diego is beautiful. From the plane it just looked amazing. It's not as green as Pennsylvania. It's not even close, actually. But it was something new and I LOVED it. When I got off my flight I met Ross from YWAM and instantly felt super comfortable and excited I wasn't nervous, at least not yet. Ross and I went met up with Kari and Mandi who also work for YWAM and they were great! We waited for a few more students to get off their flights and than we were off to Mexico. I think my first friend here was Issac. He was just so sarcastic and funny and we instantly became best friends or at least that's what he said. After a short ride through San Diego and across the border we were finally in Mexico! Honestly, you could tell right away that you crossed the boarder. It was sad. Kind of a culture shock. After about 20 minutes of driving we arrived to our new home. 

That night I got to meet a lot of the girls that I would be rooming with and it was great! But once I got onto campus I started to get nervous. All the excitement shifted into nervousness.  I was afraid no one was going to like me or I wouldn't make any friends. As I was talking to a few of the other girls I realized I wasn't the only one feeling this way. One of the YWAM staff members, Kayla, told us evil will try and tell you lies. Evil will make you feel this way because evil doesn't want you to be here. Satan doesn't want you to become close with God and he will put lies into your head. Which is crazy true and later that night I was reading my devotion and the Bible verse in my devo said, "Satan has asked to sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail." 

Luke 22:31-32  

While I was reading that I just had one of those moments of complete and utter shock. Like YES God, you've got my back and you want me here! And that is just the beginning of the things I've seen God do in these past couple days. But you'll just have to stay tuned for more. I can't wait to keep updating you all on what I'm doing here at YWAM and what I'm learning. Thank you everyone for praying for me. You're great.

Talk to you soon,

Lauren 

  

Anxiety

Hi all,

I would like to talk to you about whats going on in my head right now. I leave in less then two weeks...even typing that gives me anxiety. I'm full of so many emotions at the current moment. Fear, excitement, anxiousness and much more. I thought I would share with you all that is going through my head before I embark on this journey....

I first want to start out by saying I am excited about this mission trip. I'm SO excited, but with that being said its expected to have some nervous about being away from my comfort zone for such a long time. Earlier this year I started taking anxiety medication for social anxiety  (which some of you are probably confused about because I talk to people way too much), but its true. I used to be so afraid to talk to people because I was terrified if they would like me or not. If you asked me about two years ago if I loved going to parties and hanging out with tons of people I would say yes because thats the person I wanted to be not the person I was. I would pretend to be someone else because I convinced myself that if I wasn't that person that people wouldn't like me. My anxiety ate me alive. It controlled who I was. Thankfully I finally came to terms with myself and realized that I had been denying that I had anxiety for years and I finally did something about it. I started with a medication and life seemed to be a little more upbeat. I started to have fun, actual fun. I started to be Lauren because the anxiety didn't control me as much anymore. Day by day the mask of anxiety that I had been wearing around for years started to come off. I talked to God about my anxiety a lot. I was frustrated with Him because I had anxiety. I wondered why it was me. Why could't this anxiety be given to someone else? I had to put anxiety on my list of things that are wrong with me. As the mask of anxiety started to peel off of me so did the outlook I had on it. Instead of blaming God for this, I should thank him. I should thank Him because God gave me something many others have to deal with, but I can be a witness that you can beat anxiety. With God anxiety seems so small. I need to remember that too. God is SO much bigger than my anxiety and He's not going to let me go through this battle alone. Ever.

 I was going to use this blog to express to you about my anxiety I'm having over this mission trip, but when I read and then reread what I typed about that God will never let me go through this battle alone I felt some sort of peace about my mission trip.  All this anxiety I'm feeling about packing, saying goodbye to my family and having to make new friends doesn't seem as big as it did about 20 minutes ago when I was talking to my mom.  I think what I've realized while writing this blog is that I need to just trust God. He's in control. He knows the plans for my life. He's got my back. I don't need to worry.

If you're struggling with anxiety about life or social anxiety just remember God has a purpose for you. Don't dwell on things that are out of your control. Learn to be yourself and don't wear a mask. It's not worth it. Always ask God for help because trust me I know what anxiety can do to you. Hopefully you know your worth in God.

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 

26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 

27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? 

28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 

29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 

30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 

31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 

32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 

33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 

34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." -Matthew 6:25-34

thanks for reading,

Lauren 

21

Hi all,

Holy guacamole its been a while. I can't even begin to explain to you how busy my summer has been since the day I graduated from high school. Lets just say there were a lot of lives I needed to guard this summer. Everyday was a day by the pool, but not in the pool just guarding the pool, unfortunately. Honestly, this summer has been the best summer I've had in YEARS. Actual years. This summer I really focused on working on myself and learning to love me for who I am. I think I've done pretty well with all of that. I also learned to let go of high school and move on in life. I've made some pretty awesome friends at work this summer. Everyone I work with has basically become family (mainly because we all feel like we see the Hotel Hershey crew more than our own families). This summer is what I've been needing. My mom has always said, "Lauren trust me when I say that the people you meet after high school are going to be different," and she was right... The friends I've made this summer have been the best friends I think I've ever made. They love me for me. They're honest. They love to have fun. They're just great. While I'm sad that the summer is coming to an end and I'll have to say goodbye to my job, what is coming next excites me more than ever before.

Twenty one days. Let that sink in. Less then a month. Only three weeks away. Twenty one days until I embark on my mission trip. Holy crap. Ah! Woohoo! Wow time flies. I remember thinking, Oh my gosh this mission trip is so far away and than I blinked and its only 21 days away. I'm so excited for this new chapter in my life. I'm excited to see what God has in store for me. I'm excited to meet new people and experience life with my new friends. I'm excited to be out of my comfort zone. I think being out of your comfort zones makes you a stronger person. Though I will miss my comfort zone of my family and my puppy,  it'll be an experience I'll never forget.  And I'm SO excited!

Lastly, I would like to thank everyone who has kept me in their prayers. The prayers paid off. I've raised all the money I needed to go on the mission trip!! What an answer to prayers. I have the BEST support system. Thank you again.

Talk to you soon,
Lauren